Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
