no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
