There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
