the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
