i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
