I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
