If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
