I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
There r osticjed everywhere
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Im part way to drunk.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
