I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
