She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
