So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
