No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
not ubering you a puppy
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
