seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
