My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
