I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
