i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
