I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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