why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
that is very illegal...i love you.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
