Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize