Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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