Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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