We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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