i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
