I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I could fuck to npr.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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