My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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