you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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