you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
