Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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