Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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