The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Houston, we have a squirter
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
