brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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