oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
