if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
NoShamevember. You game?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
