People in love make me want to vomit
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
