adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
