I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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