i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I will be naked everywhere
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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