dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
