I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
