OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
