Operation Purity has been aborted
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
