I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Bring me that man meat
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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