Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
