I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
