ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
