my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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