new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
