Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
