remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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