Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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